Meet Princess Saira: heir to the lesbian Queens of Clitopolis, freshly dumped by her bounty-hunter girlfriend for being “too needy” (ouch). When said ex gets snatched by the cosmic incel collective known as the Straight White Maliens, Saira’s got 24 hours to hand over the legendary royal labrys the deadliest dyke-weapon in the universe. Problem is… she doesn’t actually have it.

Armed with nothing but panic, eyeliner, and a gay-pop runaway named Willow, Saira hurtles through star systems of sass, sabotage, and self-discovery. Will she save her ex? Will she save herself? Will the spaceship stop being problematic for, like, five minutes?